The Failing Romance of the Lone Wolf Myth
We have been sold a lie of the stoic action hero who survives alone and doesn’t need anyone.
I grew up in the era of these “real men” or “rugged individualists”, as Gregory Max Vogt and Stephen T. Sirridge describe them in the book ‘Like Son, Like Father’.
After 40+ years, I rewatched "Lone Wolf McQuaid", starring Chuck Norris as J.J. McQuaid, a rugged, lone-wolf Texas Ranger who prefers to work alone and doesn’t play well with others.
J.J. McQuaid lived a life where results were all that mattered, but he’s lonely and angry and doesn’t let people in and it nearly cost him everything.
These movies taught us competition over cooperation.
Gregory Max Vogt and Stephen T. Sirridge, in their book “Like Son Like Father”, state that competition is important, but as our highest value, the effect is utter isolation for the individual man.
The lone wolf myth refers to the romanticised idea that individuals can achieve success, independence, and fulfilment by operating entirely on their own, without relying on others or being part of a larger community.
The Sigma male, also known as a lone wolf, has gained popularity over the last 14 years after Theodore Robert Beale, aka Vox Day, coined the term. The sigma male has many great qualities; they don’t run with the mob, they are free thinkers, confident in themselves, they don’t need others for validation, and they live according to their own values.
Lone wolves do have a downside, and this is the nuanced risk of labelling and identifying as a certain archetype. The self-reliance pattern in men causes loneliness and disconnection from themselves and those closest to them. Also, living to your own rules and values can be a problem if your values are compromised.
Men cannot do this alone; this lone wolf myth overlooks the inherent social nature of men and the numerous benefits of brotherhood, accountability, and belonging. The isolation has destroyed honour, morals and values in men because there is no one to hold us accountable for our actions.
Lion vs wolf
A lone wolf is a rebel, a maverick, a free thinker; he does his own thing, an attractive option compared to following the herd of sheep. The lone wolf is rebelling against the sheep around him, going against the mob, breaking free from societal conditioning and becoming his own man.
Being a lone wolf or running with the mob are not your only choices.
There is another option.
Find your inner lion.
Every man is born a lion, and society has tried to raise him as a sheep.
A lion motivates, inspires and lifts others, whereas a lone wolf chooses isolation over leadership, operating alone. A lion understands the power of camaraderie and building a brotherhood of men committed to growth.
No one succeeds alone. A lion understands that relying solely on their own experiences and knowledge will limit how far they can grow. A lion knows the potential of collective intelligence by leveraging the diverse skills, perspectives, and insights of the men he surrounds himself with.
Loss of honour and accountability
Lone wolves are not accountable to anyone; they do things their own way.
Lone wolves lack a code to live by. These men are left to work things out for themselves. There is no one to hold them accountable. There is no one to hold them to a standard.
Men need to live with honour as it keeps us accountable for our actions and decisions; honour codes teach us to lead with authenticity and integrity because we never want to let our peers or our mentors down.
But in today's society, men are left to their own devices and are often at the mercy of dark urges by engaging in behaviour they wouldn't want the world to find out about.
Many men I have met, coached, and interviewed are complacent and comfortable and living in mediocrity compared to what they know they are capable of. They want more but don't know how to get it. Their prioritisation of personal values over collective honour has the effect of living in frustration because they are not living authentically to what they know is right. There are no consequences for their actions.
They are disconnected from their wives, lacking the intimacy and respect they deserve and desire. These men crave their wives as their sounding boards to navigate life. Instead, they interact like ships in the night lost without direction.
Men need to surround themselves with high-calibre men who live to a shared honour code to hold them to a certain standard so they can unlock their true potential.
Male loneliness
Sadly, the lone-wolf mentality is part of the loneliness problem, and we have been conditioned to toughen up and work it out on our own. The lone wolf myth goes against a man's inherent need for connection.
We live in a very individualistic society; men are lonelier and more isolated than ever. A staggering statistic from a study by Healthy Male states that 43% of Australian men are lonely, with proven links between loneliness, poor mental health, suicide and depression.
Suicides rose in during the pandemic due to isolation, and divorce rates are at a 20-year high, with Australia (ABS 2021) recording 56,244 divorces in 2021. It's not just divorced men who are lonely; many men feel lonely inside their marriages, which could be caused by a lack of vulnerability between them.
Loneliness causes doubt, lack of worth, a loss of confidence, depression and feelings of isolation, even when around people.
Many men lack deep, meaningful connections with other men. Some men catch up with mates for a beer and surface-level connection. Men won't often share what is going on for them because they don't want to be a burden, so they put on a brave face, soldier on and push those emotions down, creating more isolation.
Isolation and internalising problems cause men to withdraw from society, compounding the feelings of aloneness.
Men need brotherhood, camaraderie, support, guidance and mentorship from other men. For thousands of years, we have been a part of small communities of men who give us the connection we need with elders and ritual leaders to guide us through our tough times.
The shift from competition to creation and cooperation
It was winning for Lone Wolf Mcquaid at all costs, leaving a trail of destruction (literally).
The 'every man for himself' attitude comes from a place of scarcity, not abundance.
Men don't need to compete to get ahead. Success comes from creation and cooperation. There is enough to go around, and we don't have to go it alone to find a way. Abundance is a natural law of the universe; there is no denying this law. We see abundance everywhere in nature.
"Everywhere nature is lavish, wasteful, extravagant." - The Master Key System.
Nature provides everything a man needs, but many men doubt this; they don't believe in the law of abundance. Men believe that abundance is only for the few and exclude themselves from it.
When men tap into the universe's collective abundance, their potential is limitless. For this to happen, we need to unite because we are stronger together. Nature doesn't compete; it creates. In a system trying to divide and weaken us, men must rise together in the face of darkness and build our dream lives.
Men, we don't need more lone-wolfs, alphas, sigmas, betas, omegas or other labels. We need a band of brothers, great men committed to excellence, abundance and growth. You can be unique and uncommon, not play to societal norms, and still have connections, brotherhood and belonging.
Being a lone wolf might work for a little while in certain situations or when you need to disappear and hustle, but it can be very isolating. I encourage you to find the power of your inner lion and surround yourself with strength, courage, vulnerability and support of a brotherhood.